


Pet Shop Boys

by Lenore



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Animals, Anthropomorphism - Freefom, Cats, Challenge Response, Challenge: AU Bingo, Crack, M/M, No Sex, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-03
Updated: 2010-07-03
Packaged: 2017-10-10 08:55:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenore/pseuds/Lenore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're cats. I blame bingo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pet Shop Boys

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for [](http://community.livejournal.com/au_bingo/profile)[**au_bingo**](http://community.livejournal.com/au_bingo/) to fulfill the Other: Animals (anthropomorphic or not) square. Also, I'm not allowed to have pets in my building, and it makes me sad. This is my excuse?

  
It began on a perfectly ordinary day. Tommy was smooshed into his favorite corner as usual, taking a little snooze, when a tingle went down his back, the sense that someone was there. He cracked an eye open and found a black cat looming over him. A big, sleek, _beautiful_ black kitten with a streak down his back that was so dark it looked almost blue. Tommy didn't know this kitten, and he hunkered down warily, not sure what it wanted.

The bigger cats tended to pick on Tommy, treating him like a mewling newborn although he was the same age they were—he was just small, thank you very much. A couple of the bullying tiger-stripes went so far as to taunt Tommy, calling him a girl, just because he was white and fluffy.

"Well, if you didn't act like such a spaz sometimes," Mia said, whenever Tommy complained about his mistreatment, which just made Tommy grumpier.

So he liked to chase his own tail? It was fun!

It turned out, though, that the big beautiful black cat had only come to introduce himself. "Hey. I'm Adam. And you are—"

"Um. Tommy?" he answered in a thin, squeaky meow. He always got a little shy around strangers.

"Tommy, huh? You don't sound too sure about that." He laughed at Tommy's look of consternation and batted Tommy lightly with his paw. "Come on."

He scampered off, clearly expecting Tommy to follow, which Tommy actually did, even though he didn't usually roam around their enclosure too much. Not that he had anything against going new places and seeing new things—he just tended to stick to his corner.

"Where are we going?" Tommy asked once he'd caught up with Adam.

"Exploring," Adam said, glancing back with a mischievous smile.

There _were_ some pretty cool toys at the other end of the enclosure, Tommy had to admit. Adam made a beeline for a dangly, shiny thing that would have been Tommy's choice if he'd gotten there first; apparently they shared a love for anything that gleamed. Tommy made due with an orange stuffed mouse that he pounced on and clawed at, although he couldn't help sneaking the occasional envious glance at Adam and the shiny thing.

"Oh, hey," Adam said, noticing. "You want to switch?"

"Um, if you don't mind? I kind of like things that sparkle?"

Adam smiled. "Have at it," he gave Tommy a friendly little head butt as they changed places, "Glitterbaby."

Okay, so maybe Tommy was a total dork, but the nickname pleased him just ridiculously a lot. He'd never had a nickname before, and this one came from Adam, who was clearly awesome, and even though they'd just met, Tommy was pretty sure he was going to like Adam more than any other cat, ever. So he was a little self-conscious as he took his first swipe at the toy, but the power of shininess soon took over, and he went after the thing with gleeful savagery and didn't stop until he caught Adam smiling at him.

"What?"

"You're cute."

"Um." Tommy ducked his head shyly.

Adam's smile got bigger. "I really like this." He licked a stripe across Tommy's forehead. "It's like…bangs."

Tommy frowned. "Huh?"

Adam regarded him incredulously. "Oh, honey. Seriously? Have you never seen your own reflection?"

"Uh—" _What?_ Tommy had no idea what a reflection was.

"Well, we'll have to fix that, obviously," Adam declared and led Tommy over to the side of the enclosure where the lady who was always there, the one with the two round pieces of glass sitting over her eyes, knelt down, shoring up the wall where one of the tiger-stripes had taken a running leap at it in an ill-fated escape attempt.

Tommy did his best to hide behind Adam. He wasn't all that into humans, personally. They smelled bad, kind of gummy and cloying and weird, and when they talked, it came out a garbled mess, like they had rocks in their mouths, and almost none of them could speak cat. Even worse, they were grabby creatures, always snatching up kittens to coo over and cuddle. The lady with the two round pieces of glass on her eyes was somewhat less objectionable than most humans, he supposed. There was a waft of cat treat about her—fishy and delicious and Tommy's favorite—covering up some of the human stink, and she did seem to respect that Tommy wasn't crazy about being picked up.

"Well, hello, you two," the lady said, scratching Adam under the chin.

Here was another point in her favor. She knew more about cat language than most people did, enough that Tommy could at least understand her.

"Okay, so you need to scoot closer, and get an angle," Adam directed.

When Tommy positioned himself just right, light glinted off the lady's glasses, and he saw Adam and another smaller, mostly white cat who…must be Tommy? He stared. The slant of black above his eye was really unexpected.

"See?" Adam grinned. "Cute."

"Okay, you boys go on and play now." The lady tossed something that made a delightful jingle, and Adam loped off after it, and Tommy ran after him.

They lost track of the toy after a while and tumbled around together instead. Adam wasn't rough, but he clearly liked being in charge, and Tommy found he rather enjoyed that, too. When they finally flopped down, worn out and ready for a nap, Adam nudged Tommy with his nose. "Um, so, sorry? I get a little carried away sometimes?"

Tommy snuggled closer. "It's okay. I don't mind. You can grab me, pull my fur, whatever. It's all good."

Adam let out a contented sigh and curled against Tommy's back, wrapping his tail around Tommy's body, so Tommy was completely encircled by Adam-ness. They both drifted off to sleep purring and had been the best of friends ever since.

  
One of the things that never stopped amazing Tommy about Adam was how fearless he was. He liked to reach up on the wall of their enclosure to sharpen his claws, stretching as far as he could go, so tall he could almost reach the top. "Soon I'm going to be able to get over that thing."

"Why would you want to do that?" Tommy asked, honestly puzzled.

"To see what's out there!" Adam declared, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Tommy was pretty sure the only thing out there was more humans, and who needed that? But Adam was far more tolerant of people than Tommy was. "They can't help how they smell, and most of them are really nice."

Humans…well, they _loved_ Adam. He was chatty by nature, and even though most people were too stupid to understand what he was saying, they did seem to find it adorable. Adam had a smooth, sonorous purr, and with his sunny disposition, he purred _a lot_. Humans loved the sound of it. Tommy, too, of course. The downside was that people were always swooping in and picking Adam up to hear more of it. Arms would come out of nowhere, and Adam would be snatched away, and Tommy would hunker down to wait until the arms came back and Adam was returned to Tommy where he belonged.

Today, there had been no snatching so far, which Tommy appreciated. The only excitement, if you could call it that, was that Paula had been hitting the catnip pretty hard, hardly an unusual occurrence. She wobbled over to Simon and woozily canoodled with him, until Randy caught her eye, and then she went and flopped down next to him. The 'nip didn't exactly bring out the best in her, not that Tommy was in any position to judge. When he got nip-drunk, he also tended to love everybody just a little too much.

With Paula distracted, Adam was able to get Paula's favorite toy, a sparkly stretchy thing, all to himself. A ponytail holder—that was what Adam called it—although Tommy didn't really know what that was. When Paula was in her right mind, she guarded the thing jealously, so Adam had to watch and wait and pounce whenever he got the opportunity.

He'd been playing with it half the morning, biting at it a while and then batting it around. Mostly, though, he liked to wear it, holding it with his paws and squirming around until he managed to slip his head through. He strutted around, showing off, looking even prettier than usual, the glittery thing a perfect complement to his shiny black fur.

Watching this completely adorable Adam-y spectacle probably would have been Tommy's favorite thing ever if it didn't inevitably bring on high-pitched shrieks of "Awwwww!" from the humans, which was one of Tommy's least favorite things. When people got excited, they sounded just like a dying water buffalo—or, anyway, what Tommy imagined that sounded like, since he'd never actually seen a water buffalo, dying or otherwise. Even worse, they held up these metal rectangle things to their eyes, and streaks of light exploded everywhere, half blinding Tommy, making him want to growl. And Tommy was _so_ not a growly kind of cat.

"Mwah wu blah dum blah du blah!" came a particularly piercing human squeal, and then arms, and then _poof_! Adam was gone.

Tommy sat down to wait, disgruntled and contemplating hiding the stupid sparkly stretchy thing, so maybe Adam wouldn't get snatched away from him quite so much. Finally, _finally_, the arms came back, and Adam was lowered inside. Tommy took a wary sniff. Poor Adam! He reeked of human.

"You get used to it," Adam said.

Tommy really couldn't imagine that and figured Adam was just being brave. He swiped his tongue vigorously over Adam's fur, determined to wash the stink off him. Adam flopped down to make it easier for Tommy to reach, and purred low and contentedly, and slurred out happily, "Feels so good, baby." When the bath was done, Adam smelled like Tommy instead of gummy humans, which was exactly the way it should be.

  
The day it all ended was just as perfectly ordinary as the day it had begun. The two of them were curled up together, napping away happily when that same high-pitched squeal that Tommy recognized from the other day exploded in his ear. He started awake to find a human bent over the wall staring at them, her face uncomfortably close, pink hair dangling like streamers—Tommy hadn't even known humans came in a pink-haired variety.

He shrank closer to Adam, who murmured sleepily, "What is it, baby?"

"Mwub wanths wuhn," said the pink-haired girl, pointing at Adam.

Adam's eyes flew open, suddenly alert, and he said in a scratchy, regretful voice that Tommy had never heard before, "Oh, Tommy, _honey_, she's—I'm not going to—" That was all he managed before arms descended and away Adam went. Tommy grumpily closed his eyes again and waited for Adam to come back.

And waited and waited.

Finally, so much time had gone by that he got up and looked around. He didn't see or hear the pink-haired girl, and there was no sign of Adam anywhere. But he had to be coming back, right? He always had before. Tommy clung to that hope—pushing aside the niggling doubts about what Adam had been trying to tell him—and sat down to wait some more.

And waited and waited. And still nothing.

"Adam?" he mewed pitifully.

There was no answer.

Tommy slumped down, head on his paws, the growing sense that nothing was ever going to be okay again.

  
The days went on, and Tommy returned to his old corner, listless, not much interest in anything.

Mia did her best to take his mind off Adam. "Hey, Tommy boy, don't you want to come play?" She twirled around in a circle, chasing her own tail, even though Tommy knew for a fact she felt that kind of thing was beneath her dignity. "Remember how much fun it is? Come on. You can't just lie there forever."

But Tommy didn't have the energy to do anything else.

"Hey, so, you can have this if you want." Paula dropped the stretchy sparkly thing at Tommy's feet. "I thought it might remind you of—you know."

That was exactly the problem: it totally reminded Tommy of Adam and how much Tommy missed him and that Tommy was never going to see him again. His head sagged a little lower.

"Um, okay, then." Paula covered the stretchy sparkly thing with her paw, as if to hide it. "Let me know if you change your mind."

Even one of the tiger-stripes stopped by to cheer Tommy up. "You really don't look like a girl, you know. Well, not that much, anyway."

None of it helped. Adam was still gone, and Tommy's heart was still broken.

The lady with the round pieces of glass over her eyes seemed concerned, too. She brought him cat treats—still fishy and no doubt delicious if Tommy had any appetite at all.

"Why aren't you eating? Huh? You need to eat." The lady stroked his fur, and he leaned into her hand, glad for any little bit of comfort, even if humans did really smell funny. "I know you miss him, but he went to a wonderful home, I promise."

That was good to hear, but it didn't solve Tommy's problem: Adam had been _his_ home, and now Tommy was lost without him.

The lady sighed. "Oh, dear. It's going to be like that, is it? Well, let me see what I can do." She went away and came back after a while. "You come on here now. We can't have you grieving your little heart out."

Tommy let out a startled squawk when she scooped him up, and things quickly went from bad to worse as she pushed him very firmly into a plastic box and locked him inside. He scratched at the latch and squalled, but she didn't let him out. The box was lifted and began to sway, and Tommy flattened himself to the floor, trying to dig his claws into the slick plastic. He yowled as the box lurched along, making him swimmy headed. If he'd eaten anything at all lately, he would have puked all over the place.

The sigh of relief when the box finally stopped moving lasted only until Tommy felt a nerve-wracking rumbling start up, and then he was moving again, although the box stayed still, and how was that even possible? He panted, and his heart raced, and he yowled even louder than before. When the rumbling finally quit after what felt like forever, there was yet more lurching to suffer through, and Tommy had to wonder if the lady was trying to _terrify_ him into forgetting about Adam.

Finally, _finally_ the box came to rest, on what felt like solid ground, and Tommy could hear the lady say, "Here's the little guy. Thank you so much for agreeing to take him."

That…Tommy didn't even _know_ what that meant, and he crowded against the back of the box, his body as low as he could get it. The door swung open, and Tommy could see a shadow advancing, and he started to tremble.

If he hadn't been so scared, he would have caught the scent before a familiar head poked inside. "Hey."

_Adam?_ Tommy perked up.

"Whatcha doing in here?"

"Um—" Not hiding! That was what he wanted to say, but Adam knew him _way_ too well, so he just ducked his head sheepishly.

Adam laughed. "Well, come on out. I've got all kinds of awesome things to show you."

Even with Adam's encouragement, Tommy needed to take it slow, creeping out, looking around warily. The lady stood next to the pink-haired girl, and they were both watching him with expectant smiles, which didn't exactly help to calm his nerves. Across what looked like an ocean of squishy beige carpet Adam waited for him.

"Her name's Allison," Adam said, "although some humans call her Alli. And she has this whole closet of sparkly sequined things and dangly feathers and all this other really cool stuff. And she kind of had a heart attack when she caught me in there playing, because…well, I might have shredded some stuff? But then she just laughed and said, 'Well, it's not like I can wear any of those old costumes to the grocery store, is it?' And I have no idea what that means, but now she leaves the door open all the time. It's so, so glittery in there, Tommy. I can't wait to show you!"

Adam being his usual chatty self combined with the promise of glitter made Tommy braver, and he managed to cross the beige ocean, and when he got to Adam, he leaned against him in relief, rubbing his chin against Adam's sleek black coat, purring so hard he felt like something was going to explode inside him. _Adam, Adam, Adam._

Adam licked Tommy's ear and snuggled closer. "Missed you too, baby."

"I think he's going to be fine now that he's back with his friend," the lady declared.

When she'd gone, the pink-haired girl—_Allison_—drew closer, and Tommy tensed, huddling against Adam.

"Don't worry, baby," Adam reassured him. "She's really nice."

"Mur sokoot!" Allison said, in the usual garbled human way.

Adam translated, with a smile. "She says you're cute."

"How can you understand them when they sound like they have rocks in their mouth?" Tommy had always wondered.

Adam just laughed.

"Erm gwan perhc yoop."

"Oh, oh, baby, she's going to—"

Arms descended before Adam could finish, and Tommy was whooshed upward and deposited on Allison's shoulder. He dug in his claws to hang on and let out a squeaky, distressed meow.

"Easy, baby," Adam called up to him. "Just remember I'm right down here."

Tommy experienced a moment of _yuck_, because Allison smelled just as gummy and cloying and weird as people always did. But Adam had said she was nice, and if it weren't for her, Tommy would never have seen Adam again. So he figured, whatever, he could throw her bone. And started to purr.

"Awwww!" It was like a dying water buffalo, right in his ear, but she stroked his fur very gently, and he purred a little louder.

Because Adam was right there, and when Allison put Tommy down, he planned to beg for a bath, and then he'd smell like Adam, and maybe there would even be cat treats, and everything would be right with his world again.


End file.
